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The way to grow in love is to bathe yourself in God’s love.
I remember standing at the kitchen sink years ago, crying while doing dishes.
A pastor’s wife stood nearby listening as I tried to explain the frustration I couldn’t quite put words to.
I had always been told something like this:
“Love is not a feeling. Love is an action. If you keep doing the action, eventually the feeling will follow.”
And while I understood the truth underneath that statement — that love often requires sacrifice and faithfulness even when emotions fluctuate — something inside me was quietly breaking under the weight of it.
Because at the time, it felt like I was doing all the right things over and over again while becoming increasingly empty inside.
Serving.
Trying.
Showing up.
Doing the loving thing.
And yet the joy, tenderness, and connection I thought were supposed to come never seemed to arrive.
What slowly formed in me during that season was a dangerous belief:
Maybe following God just means learning how to be miserable faithfully.
Years later, I sat across from another woman processing her decision to walk away from Christianity altogether.
As she talked, I realized she was wrestling with something painfully similar.
She had spent years trying to “do the right things” while never experiencing the relational closeness with God that her soul deeply longed for.
Her faith had become almost entirely performative.
And eventually, she couldn’t carry it anymore.
The Missing Piece
I think somewhere along the way, many Christians learned how to perform love without practicing the presence of God.
We learned:
- right behavior
- right language
- right service
- right actions
But not necessarily relational communion with Christ Himself.
So we end up trying to manufacture compassion, patience, gentleness, and sacrificial love from sheer effort alone.
And eventually, people become exhausting.
Not because love is wrong.
But because disconnected souls struggle to stay tender.
Recently, during teaching from Ryan Ward of Relational Wisdom 360, one phrase deeply impacted me:
“The way to grow in love is to bathe yourself in God’s love.”
That changes everything.
Because yes, love is action.
But biblical love is not performative niceness.
It is the overflow of communion with God.
We Cannot Give What We Are Not Receiving
Jesus never modeled disconnected service.
Again and again, we see Him withdrawing to commune with the Father.
Not because He was weak.
Because communion was the source of His ministry.
And yet many of us are trying to love people well while living emotionally and spiritually disconnected from God ourselves.
We are attempting to produce fruit without remaining connected to the vine.
Eventually, that kind of striving creates:
- resentment
- numbness
- burnout
- frustration
- emotional withdrawal
- compassion fatigue
We may continue doing loving actions externally while internally becoming hardened.
And the tragedy is that many Christians assume this is normal maturity.
But I don’t believe abundant life in Christ was ever meant to feel like permanent spiritual starvation.
Compassionate People See Others Clearly
One of my favorite ideas from the conference was that compassionate people:
- see
- know
- understand
- and care deeply
Not because they are naturally superior people.
But because staying near to God softens us.
The closer we remain to the heart of God, the more capable we become of loving others with sincerity instead of performance.
Not perfectly.
But genuinely.
And maybe this is why so many weary Christians don’t simply need more discipline.
Maybe they need reconnection.
Maybe they need permission to stop striving to manufacture spiritual fruit through raw effort alone.
Maybe they need to practice the presence of God again.
Because love that is disconnected from communion eventually becomes duty.
But love flowing from communion becomes life.
Inspired by teaching from Ryan Ward of Relational Wisdom 360. At Cedar Creek Ministries, we are passionate about helping weary leaders, families, and believers pursue sustainable faithfulness through rest, reconnection, and the presence of God.
