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The first time I went to a public place after our second trimester pregnancy loss, I didn't want to talk to anyone but the couple of friends I'd ventured out with. I felt protective of my family, closed off from everyone around me and in a very dark fog. I can't remember if I had been to church or not yet, but this was the first time I'd been around strangers. It was a public pool with a play area for the tiny ones, so I didn't have to do much, but watch tiny ones splash around with my feet in the water. 

People don't know what to say in times like this. I don't blame those who are uncomfortable or keep quiet when people grieve. I understand. 

But pastors...

A then acquaintance and pastor from another church saw me and walked over to our group. From the words of friends and probably social media he knew of my heartbreak and grief. He looked right in my eyes, his eyes full of tears, gave me the most genuine hug and told me how deeply sorry he was for our loss. He not only asked how I was doing, but inquired of my husband and children and their grief. When I describe the event to people and how it moved me I can only say that "it was pastoral." He was like a father and beloved teacher and sweet counselor in a moment with a few kind words. Perhaps it was his training, his life experiences or just good upbringing, but God used those few minutes that day to place the first balm on my broken heart.

You have to understand, this wasn't MY pastor. 

Pastors are:

• thoughtful
• teachers
• caretakers
• counselors
• bosses
• servants
• leaders
• protectors
• husbands
• fathers

And the harder truth to hear is that they are often:

• under paid
• under appreciated
• overworked
• exhausted
• friendless

As with all my posts lately, there is a caveat. While we appreciate all pastors do, we have to remember they are know all knowing and can't be in multiple places at once. They must make difficult choices in regards to tragedy of of their time. If you are reading this post thinking about yourself, you are reading it wrong. This post is about all pastors do and not all you feel they have not done personally for you. Not all pastors are to be all things to all people. God is sufficient for us. Forgive your pastor if he missed something. They are amazing, but they are also human. 

Show grace and forgive when necessary. 

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This post was written by Nickole Perry, co-founder and Director of Operations at Cedar Creek Ministries. 

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