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Sitting across my kitchen table sat a lovely woman whose youngest son happened to be the same age as my oldest. Our families were having dinner getting the general feel to see if we were going to be a good fit for everyday friends. We had children who really liked each other and that was a great start. 

My new friend worked full time and her children were in school everyday. I stayed home and homeschooled my children. The fact I hadn't met her before was not a big deal in light of our different schedules. 

I assumed she went to bible study Monday nights when I went Thursday mornings. When I asked about bible study, she froze. I had felt her out. She seemed to really love the Lord. Her husband and her had precious testimonies. We loved their children. Why was she freezing up talking about bible study. 

She didn't go. It just wasn't for her. 

I couldn't let it go. 

Why not?

And then with a deep sigh she relived the night she went to bible study, nobody talked to her and she felt completely ostracized or at the very least ignored. 

I wanted to defend the women I know...the women who had loved on me the last decade of my Christian life. I wanted to say someone must have smiled at you or said hello or tried to make friends, but I couldn't because I could tell by her face she had fallen through the cracks. 

She had fallen victim to the church where the bonding has already happened, the fellowship was already in friend groups and she caught a bad (and hopefully rare) night when nobody looked her way. 

This would have happened to me to, if I wasn't an extrovert who just barged my way into people's lives and conversations. 

I told her I was so sorry. I invited her to go with me one night so I could introduce her to people. I hugged her even though we both felt uncomfortable at first. She said she would try again with me, but never did. 

Maybe you have been there. Maybe you are there now. Maybe, just maybe, you have been in the same room with someone at church who feels unloved and ignored. 

My friends, may it not be so!!!  

Here are 3 things to look for whenever you walk into a church event. 

Someone standing or sitting alone: Introduce yourself. Ask a few questions. People who finally get up enough resolve to go to church and have their feelings hurt that they appeared invisible, don't historically come back to church. Look around for the lonely people and be friendly! They are likely introverted so keep asking questions until they feel comfortable!!! 

Someone looking around confused: Introduce yourself. Ask if they need help finding anything. Even as we have visited churches for the first time I do this. I have helped people find the bathroom and childcare even though I didn't really know where something was. I have also noticed when I was lost and people helped me...or didn't. It is the difference in making someone feel at home or uneasy and let's just not give Satan a thing to work with! 

Women with children: Tell them you are glad they are here. Compliment their children. Say something positive about motherhood. Nothing is worse that working diligently to get all your children fed and out the door to church just to hear some old lady tell you, "I sure am glad that season is over!" Don't be someone who acts like children are a burden when God calls them a blessing!  Be an encourager and love on those mamas who are worn out and fought hard to get there! 

Being at an event at church can be really challenging for some people. Look for opportunities to love on people! Love makes all the difference. 

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This post was written by Nickole Perry, co-founder and Director of Operations at Cedar Creek Ministries. 

January 18, 2021