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I wasn't always friend's with "the pastor's wife, " but some of the women I hold most dear today are pastor's wives. They are a uniquely sturdy, delicate breed of women, hand chosen by God to be much of what their husband needs for him to fulfill his calling to be a pastor. Pastor's wives are lovely. They are precious. They have been gifted a high calling. They are human and not perfect, so remember, dear reader, to think before you speak. They are a privilege to know and love. Even if you don't know yours well, there are many reasons to be thankful for them...here are just a few!

She is your pastor's helpmate: 

In the glorious way God designed marriage, he deemed the woman a helpmate. The intricacies of what this looks like have been debated over centuries, so we will not preach them here in this brief post. Perhaps it needs to be said though that the helpmate is a glorious and selfless position of encouraging and building up another human for the glory of God. All husbands need this by design, but I believe those called by God into ministry need it on a whole different level. Pastor's wives are amazingly selfless and generally gracious women. They have to be because their calling is brutal and challenging.

Manages the home so your pastor can have more time to work: 

Particularly in a child rearing season of life, a pastor's wife becomes the caretaker of the home and children. A pastor must biblically have a well managed and behaved family to be able to walk out his calling. This isn't a standard of perfection or even necessarily order in a way that you see fit, but that works for their family. Remember you don't get to manager your pastor, his wife or their family. That is the job of your dear pastor's wife. Tell her she's doing a great job. Come along side her and help. Be an encourager to her. Heck, send a cleaning lady over once a month!! 

Selflessly embraces her role:

 I've actually never known a pastor's wife to own up to this because all the ones I know are incredibly humble and brutally honest, but the hard truth is you see it their actions, particularly toward their own families and husbands.  They are shining examples of how to guard and protect family time because theirs is so precious and limited. They see their husband's work for the Lord and want to support it in any way they can. For many that means making sure the home is a place of refuge for their husband, their bellies are full and their children are disciplined and happy. Of course, pastors, like all fathers, parent and are included in all aspects of parenting and life, but for pastor's wives and perhaps military and first responder wives, the role is different. These women embrace their calling selflessly knowing they are called to a greater good. It's quite beautiful. 

Serves where needed:

 Particularly in the small churches you see the pastor's wives being a tremendous help anywhere and everywhere needed. What you may see most on Sunday is them doing their good work in children's church!! Oh boy is there always a need there, especially when our brood shows up! Ha!!  Seriously though, when there is need and there is nobody to fill it, you often see a pastors wife greeting the congregation with a baby on her hip, teaching Sunday school, or organizing the church picnic. They do so much we don't see or take for granted. I'm so thankful. You should be too!

God uses her to fill in a great many gaps:

I'm a fire wife with a sister who is a police wife and tons of friends with husband's in the military. Our lives are more challenging than many with our husband's crazy schedules and dangerous jobs. Military wives have husband's who leave for months at a time. Fire husbands can leave for weeks at a time.  We all know it and prepare for our "seasons" without our husbands. Pastor's wives, though, really have it tough because they have no "season". Many of their husband's are available 24/7, 365 days a year and can spoil a precious family moment at the drop of a time. Tragedy doesn't often strike at convenient times and pastor's are the men who Christians run to when tragedy strikes. Consider how often these women have to fill in the gaps for their godly husband's when they are away dealing with life's most terrible moments. They have to play whatever role is needed to minister to their family. They may have to coach a game or fix the bike or whatever other task was on the dad's to do list for the day.  Even if their husband normally handles that part of life, pastor's wives have to fill in the gaps. Be thankful they are there, so your pastor can come minister to you. 

She holds down the fort: 

In some ways this is so similar to the filling in the gaps point that I almost didn't add it, but the truth is filling in the gaps and holding down the fort are different to me. Holding down the fort means you are in charge while the leader is away. A Christian wife, and I'll venture out and say particularly a pastor's wife has to be in charge while the leader is away. We believe the husband is the leader of the family, right? This obviously comes more naturally to some moms than others, but it is not without it's challenges. There may not be a "wait until your father comes home" sort of time frame with a pastor's wife which puts more leadership responsibility on her more often than may be in a lay Christians home. Handing authority back to a father and husband as head of the house can be challenging when they aren't able to be home as much as the mother and pastor's wives have to do this more often. What a blessing to know these women hold down the fort while their husband's handle God's work and ministering to their flock. 

Side note: 

Many pastors are extroverts and very likely have introvert wives which is a great fit for their family. Be careful to not expect a pastor's wife to be your women's leader. It happens, of course, but please be careful to know that it is not always the case. My heart has broken a great many times to hear women say things along the lines of how "their pastors wife" is just not friendly or social or whatever. It maddens me to think of how quickly we assume the worst in people. Most of the time anyone who falls into those categories, is just shy or has been burned by people who say foolish things. Be careful not to think you know someone, particularly a pastor's wife, if you really don't. 

Special prayers for your pastor's wife:

• Give her the strength to be a humble servant. 
• Give her the discernment to know what she can do to best help her husband achieve God's vision for their church. 
• Give her energy and good health.
• Send people to help her when she needs it most. 
• Help her to have good godly women in her life to build her up and encourage her. 
• Multiply her time. 
• Let her always choose to draw near to You, first and foremost. 

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This post was written by Nickole Perry, co-founder and Director of Operations at Cedar Creek Ministries. 

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